Ok

Don't get me wrong.... I LOVE animation and the process and everything that goes into it... I texturing is cool... modelling and UVing I'm fine with... lighting is fun.... I get it... its all a big long process we've all got to go through at the moment but at the moment I'm getting ridiculously stressed with everything else piling on top of me... I'm trying to animate currently... I wanted to lattice a door and bend it slightly when the Hitman shoulder barges it in... but due to the way it was modelled (WITH HOLES) I'm really struggling to do so... so I've got three options that I can see -
1 - spend time to re-model a door and then re-texture - JUST FOR MY SHOT
2 - spend time in after effects and use the puppet tool to bend it out of shape - but the shadow layer will not bend so I have kind of already ruled that out (unless I bend the shadow too.... but I think this may look a bit funny.
3 - Leave it out... which would be a shame as I think it could look quite nice exaggeration.

I'm just not sure at the moment... and I'm getting quite fed up with the amount of pressure the entire course has put on me. I will not go into this now... I want the degree show list to start being sent tomorrow (Monday) as it CANNOT wait any more - we want people to COME to this show and not have anyone there is not an option. I'm beginning to feel that my work is suffering a great deal now - I have no time to animate my shots... no time to have any free time really to unwind an relax - my relax time is driving between locations to do work... I have even started doing bits for the Degree show at part time job as the manager owes me a few favours. As I feel my work is beginning to suffer I feel like I'm sorting a degree show which will help other groups get a job.... and not helping myself at all... but then I think I am not that selfish to just say screw them I'm leaving the degree show for someone else....I want to help people who have helped me and those who deserve it which inspires me on but to what cost will be... where will my work stand at the end of the day and will I even get credited for half the stuff I do... Doing Rave Live pieces and Degree Show animations were never my top priority... but as they were quick and easy they were always there ... being a burden in my head... and now I'm just putting more and more in there too.... and its just starting to eat away at me. Supposed to be organising a team (with Sam) but it seems like its just me organising our sound with Kai... sorting out files for people to animate in - approving animations collecting textures off of Spencer and doing extra days at Rave to get things rendered. Sam please help me, step up a bit and start giving constructive criticism on all the animations - unfortunately its hard to do so over the blog, yet everyone gets so distracted by individuals in the class - if you feel like your getting distracted tell them to f*off if you don't want to be because at this rate - our film is going to be far from finished to the quality it should be. We should be able to work alongside people that are doing a similar thing to us in a WORKING environment. Sure have a break here and there but your break might not be the best timing for someone else... so this doesn't mean play your music as loud as possible through the speakers.... jump on balloons and shout as loud as possible or go....'HEY EVERYBODY...LOOK AT THIS'. I strongly think the work ethos has dissolved this year and with lack of a tutor being present in the room various members in the group have turned into school boys unfortunately.

I'm well up for a laugh from time to time ... but there is a time and a place - and for the next Month I'd love to concentrate on the film.

Many a time I have considered dropping out... quitting the film and just in general taking a year out but I've stuck with it. I doubt my choice everyday now... and I am beginning to think I have made the wrong decision so far.

**** this